Often times we look to our pain as something we have done, stepped wrong, bumped something, tossed and turned too much in bed, etcetera, but just as often we are unaware of how the pain could be manifesting from emotions, and then that happens if you are given no other choice but to think about it. The question is, are we thinking about it beyond normal explanations?
On December 31, 2020, I decided to forego any and all resolutions except for one, I decided to go with the flow, and let me tell you, that is not an easy feat, especially for someone like me who likes to hang onto things too tightly. So tightly, in fact, that sometimes I think I miss out on amazing experiences, because I am afraid to open myself up to the world, exposing my heart and soul to the unforgiving world, and it is all done in my best silent movie pose, the back of my hand resting on my forehead as I look to the rafters with forlornly and *gasp*… [Insert eye roll here], Hi, Drama llama.
I took the first weekend of the year to just kind of let go of the previous year and ready myself, so I could hit the ground running come Monday, but my body had other ideas. Physical Manifestations are nothing new, many of us just don’t know about it, or we are just learning about it now, but if you go to the interwebs and search ‘Emotional Pain Chart’, quite a few will appear. Imagine my surprise when I first heard about it and then poof, there it was. There are doctor’s that practice this medicine as well, I just never put two and two together until several months ago when I saw my first emotional pain chart. I think I equated my emotional instability with carrying too much weight, but as it turns out the chart is extremely accurate when it comes to me.
For instance, I occasionally have knee pain, knee pain is associated with the ego, but it isn’t that I have a “big ego”, no, it is because my perception does not match my reality. I often think I am okay, and going with the flow, but instead I am controlling the heck out of everything in my life, and by that I mean I keep things close to the vest, I hold in my emotions, so I don’t “bother anyone” with it and then this manifests into pain. See above with the silent movie pose. Mhm.
Going back to my resolution, today was the day I was going to start kicking the year’s butt, but instead I pulled my lower back. In the past I would think, oh great, what did I do the previous day and then try attribute it to something tangible, something I could physically do to myself, but this morning I looked up the emotional pain chart and saw that it was based in “Fear of Change” and that is exactly what it is, fear of change. Fear of stepping into the life I want to create for myself, manifest for myself. Fear of taking chances and facing fear in the face, or better yet, punching it in the damn face.
My subconscious sidelined me, because even though I am ready, my brain isn’t. My soul and heart are packed and ready to go on this new adventure in the journey of my life, but because I am allowing myself to go with the flow and just let life happen, my brain, that beautiful noodle between my ears, panicked and shutdown and did what I taught it to do so many years ago when “we” were afraid. It stopped me in my tracks, pulled my arm back like a small child with an adult, who is afraid of entering the “haunted attraction” at the carnival.
So today I will work with my fear of change and I will work with working out my back and hope that tomorrow with some, probably literal, baby steps, I will start moving forward and allow life to happen, and go with the flow. Our plans may not always turn out how we want them to, but our plans turn out the way they are supposed to. Release the fear, embrace the change. It will be okay.