The Aloha Perspective, 12.30.21, Self-Love December.

#24, It’s on YOU!  Only YOU are in charge of your happiness!

“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.”  Some might struggle to understand what this means, but simply put, don’t fill your cup of joy with just other people’s happiness.  Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and when someone is constantly trying to find ways to make others happy to obtain that joy, they are missing out on what might truly being making them happy.  This is a form of people pleasing, filling other’s cups with the hopes that it will fill our own.

We must fill our own cups of joy, stoke our own flames of happiness within our heart and soul.  Looking to others to fulfill our happiness is putting your key to happiness in someone else’s pocket, which means after you’ve made them happy, you’re often left with no other feeling than how to make the next person happy so that you can feel that joy and elation again.

What makes you happy?  What brings you joy?  It could be little things, it could be big things, it could be having an annual pass to some place that brings you joy, because this one thing belongs to you. It doesn’t mean you can’t share this joy with others, of course you can, but what on particular thing truly brings you joy?

Quite often we look outside ourselves for happiness which, in the end, doesn’t always leave us fulfilled.  Someone else might still be excited, but the joy you felt when you surprised them is not fleeting within you, because it is no longer your joy, but there’s.  It is no longer your emotion, but there’s.  You are left with a memory of the feeling and nothing more, but when you fill your own cup with your own joy and happiness, imagine how much more exciting that “thing” you did for someone else might feel, because subconsciously you’re not expecting it to make you happy. Instead, you are able to consciously enjoy this moment because you have that joy within, so you are “serving” from a full cup, you are giving from a full cup and expecting nothing subconscious in return.

It’s a bit of a tricky feeling and subject to be honest, because everyone – including myself, obviously-has an opinion on this subject, but I am a recovering people pleaser, someone who just wants everyone else to be happy at the expense of their own joy or happiness.  It feels different when you begin to find ways to stoke your own happiness fire within. I’m not saying it is easy either, I am still learning how to find my footing in this new territory.  This is new to me too.

I love to make people happy, I mean I sincerely love and enjoy it, but there have been times when I was not happy inside and I didn’t enjoy that particular moment as much as I did, when I was able to fill my own happy cup and make someone else happy.  Depression can sometimes, or quite often really, get in the way of this, which is why it is so important for those of us with a dinged up mental health to find a way to keep the fire of joy lit within.

Think about the things you like to do and allow yourself to accept this gift from within.  Everyone deserves to be happy, but if we are looking for others to create it for us, whether it be in love, or friendships, or social media, popularity, eventually the happiness will dry up and you will be left with yourself and your own feelings again, because we’re not always around those “outward” experiences/people that bring us this feeling, this is why we must take time to learn about ourselves, what we love and don’t love, what we will and won’t tolerate, what we know we deserve versus what should be left by the wayside.

It might feel selfish to put yourself first sometimes, but according to Dr. Hurd (, “this is a healthy selfishness, a self-affirming selfishness”.  You’re not choosing yourself over anyone, you’re choosing to bring yourself joy to share with everyone.  When your light shines, it can reach the masses and people might too be inspired to look within and shine their light.  Keep a stack of logs by your heart/soul fire, and let the joy you bring to others from your own place of happiness also fill that pile, just don’t count only on the latter, because you do deserve to be happy and the one person that can make sure that happens is you.

Raise your vibe.